Fire rant

Wow, like, did somebody let someone read this blog?
Cuz I was told I was fired today. Without the reason. But my guess is that, if anything, she probably read this blog; and saw what I said and assumed I won't be good enough.
Well, I am self-critical, it's what drives me. In a way. If I get too proud of my work, I would probably not give as much effort as I used to. "You are your worst critique". Or is it my annoying, endless stream of questions? I'd rather ask questions than do anything wrong. Am I not committed enough? That's not even a question. Do I...do I...suck?? LOL
Hm...how do I describe the feeling of getting fired after being told you did a good job (and probably one of the best) just two weeks before by the boss and the boss of the boss?
Heck, she didn't even let me go for the interview. Name a job which fires you without an interview? Editorial Board. Everyone else got an interview, my guess.
I joined the Ed Board initially cuz I wanted experience. Experience in photography, teamwork, and making something happen. Then there's also the bonus point factor, though I don't remember knowing about that until after I joined. As time passed by, I felt myself become more and more attached to the Ed Board. Like I'm a part of something, and that I really wanna make it work out. It's as if, the magazine has become something of a joint project me and the others are working on, and not something like a school group work, more like a real project which you and your teammates are doing because your heart's in it. It felt like something of my own, and I actually felt dedicated for once in my life towards something school related. It felt good at the end of the day when the magazines were given out. Although if some people would hate the cover and the stuff in it, but I still liked it because it felt like the product of our combined efforts. I did throw around the words "they'll fire me" like it's nothing before, but deep down, I didn't really want it to happen. Maybe being apart of the Ed Board and contributing to it also fueled my sense of pride in some way, like I can actually do something, like I'm not entirely a useless person although I said I am many times before. When told I did a good job, I was not only relived, I was happy I was of some help. This year, I'm really busy, yet I still wanted to do more. I skipped classes, important classes, just to help out. Yes, I wasn't there most of the time for the distribution, but at least I bothered to show up at all. I came for the bundling, tried my best to do a good job, if I wasn't committed I wouldn't have stuck a toenail in the school grounds in the holidays. Or I would've bailed halfway. And then when I come back to school, at the end of the week, I was given the boot. After all what I did, and them using stuff I did, and telling me I did a good job (recently too), she (the big boss) gave me the boot. Just like that. To say that I'm cool with it, is a total lie. And somebody told me she needed more experienced photographers. Perhaps, I'm the only one not needed, just me, just this particular incompetent, pathetic dot in the world that can't do anything; a sucky, unqualified, potentialess idiot who's in the wrong place. Maybe I should be happy with what I did so far, and that I did help in some ways. But not right now. I just feel thrown away at the present. Like I'm in a group of artists who are working on a certain artwork, and of course I put my heart in it and my all, then the head tells me: "You're outta the project, we don't need you anymore. You did do a pretty good job though, thanks and bye." When you know you could do more for that artwork, and why get kicked out when you did good stuff?
I find this really weird. Do a good job, and get fired.
Perhaps it's like what the first friend at my side said after I got the news thrown at my face:

"Maybe you're just too good for them"

I wish that was really true. But I still feel like I got kicked out of something that means something to me, right after I did something good for it. If she were to ever read this post, I think I can already guess what she would say. That my work didn't go to "waste", that she appreciated my "help", but that I didn't measure up to her standards and that the others deserve it more than me. Maybe I'm crazy to feel so disappointed and that I was actually a part of something, I'm probably the only one who feels this way. And all my dedication is for nothing so...

Perhaps I really do SUCK. Like a real piece of CRAP. Guess what? I'm liking it.

The above post was edited after reading someone else's blog about something that happened behind the scenes. I've confirmed the identity of the person who fired me. I'm considering that I may have been the best two weeks ago, but was a total screw up (haha! I'm using that word!) on SPM result day. Just on that particular day. While my best works rules over that one, single day, I still got fired because of it. Gee. Talk about forgiving and forgetting, C. You're such an awesome teacher. Oh, and I HIGHLY doubt that the judge (her) saw this post.

Anyway, enough of all this shit. Today in English period, my cls was discussing about types of crimes and listing them down in our Writing exercise book. I came home and found this in my inbox at deviantART. What a coincidence. Btw:

EARTH HOUR 2MRW
8.30-9.30 pm
Shut those lights if you love your planet