Yosh, let's start!
A horrible thing happened to me two days ago.Or yesterday's night really. It was around 1 am? Yeah. I couldn't sleep, or rather, I didn't feel like I could. Tomorrow's the result day, and I knew no amount of hope, wish or prayer can alter any undesirable result I would get. It's too late. So I left it to 'fate'. Instead, my worry was pushed to my photography assignment. My record of pictures haven't been good lately, so tomorrow was my last chance to redeem myself before next year. Assuming the results would be given out at the hall, like SPM and STPM, I tried imagining the angle I would shoot at. But I got bored.
Thus, after 5 months of break from drawing, I decided to start again. When I finally scratched some lines on the paper, I realized something.
Thus, after 5 months of break from drawing, I decided to start again. When I finally scratched some lines on the paper, I realized something.
I can't draw.
Draw as in draw. Draw with the skills I accumulated over the years. It seems like they have been cut back greatly. The reason why I couldn't bring myself to draw for the past 5 months was because I was too scared that what I draw will turn out horribly (I'm very, very easily discouraged). Now it's true. It did turn out horribly. I should've started when it was still possible to save it. But I didn't. Now what I dread has become reality. It's actually saddening for this to happen. Especially since I find drawing my calling.
Lesson here: Don't let chances pass you by if you can help it. Don't let your fear get in the way of achieving what you dream.
If you're a competitive artist, rejoice, you've less one opponent.
Now let's move on to the next day. Frankly, since I had the "I can't care less of what I'll get; I'll get what I'll get" attitude the day before the result day...the thought of my grades hardly crossed my mind. I was worried about my photography assignment from the start till the very end. As I rushed through the school grounds and stairs people may have have thought I was really anxious about my results, but actually, I wasn't the least bit. Moreover, while most people would be praying/wishing/hoping as they anticipate their results, I was busy scanning for crowds, queues, and expressive people instead ( I kept hoping for a large group of people to randomly barge in too). When Pn. Zarina congratulated me with straight As, I hardly felt anything. Sure, I was relieved, but my mind was more focused on other important matters. I proceeded with my search for people outside without a second glance at my result paper. Unfortunately, there weren't any. I got to the school a lil' too late. I went home without any photos, and pounded over how to explain things to my superiors. It wasn't until yesterday when I started feeling a bit more of what normal people would feel after getting good grades. But I didn't say "YAY!" or jump up in joy or do a victory dance. I smiled. An unmemorable smile that lasted for a couple of seconds.
The sight of so many people waving around their result paper may have contributed to my emotionless reaction too. Straight As were littered across almost every paper I saw.
I'm not ungrateful for my results. In fact, I'm going to the temple next year to give thanks actually. It's really wonderful that I got them but I don't feel overjoyed or excited. After all, grades aren't all what defines your intelligence or capability or both. They do not guarantee you a good job either. If you're feeling down cuz you didn't make your parents proud, or feeling inferior to some people you know, or didn't get the stream you wanted, don't be too hard on yourself. Just move forward and make things work for you. The future's wide open for changes. There's always a route for you to take towards what you aim for. If you're parents are really upset at you, remember that they still love you. You can make up by doing better for the future. Well, I don't know your family situation, but we can only move forward. So just try to make things work for you. All in all, if you failed this time, grit your teeth and keep fighting.
Lesson here: Don't let chances pass you by if you can help it. Don't let your fear get in the way of achieving what you dream.
If you're a competitive artist, rejoice, you've less one opponent.
Now let's move on to the next day. Frankly, since I had the "I can't care less of what I'll get; I'll get what I'll get" attitude the day before the result day...the thought of my grades hardly crossed my mind. I was worried about my photography assignment from the start till the very end. As I rushed through the school grounds and stairs people may have have thought I was really anxious about my results, but actually, I wasn't the least bit. Moreover, while most people would be praying/wishing/hoping as they anticipate their results, I was busy scanning for crowds, queues, and expressive people instead ( I kept hoping for a large group of people to randomly barge in too). When Pn. Zarina congratulated me with straight As, I hardly felt anything. Sure, I was relieved, but my mind was more focused on other important matters. I proceeded with my search for people outside without a second glance at my result paper. Unfortunately, there weren't any. I got to the school a lil' too late. I went home without any photos, and pounded over how to explain things to my superiors. It wasn't until yesterday when I started feeling a bit more of what normal people would feel after getting good grades. But I didn't say "YAY!" or jump up in joy or do a victory dance. I smiled. An unmemorable smile that lasted for a couple of seconds.
The sight of so many people waving around their result paper may have contributed to my emotionless reaction too. Straight As were littered across almost every paper I saw.
I'm not ungrateful for my results. In fact, I'm going to the temple next year to give thanks actually. It's really wonderful that I got them but I don't feel overjoyed or excited. After all, grades aren't all what defines your intelligence or capability or both. They do not guarantee you a good job either. If you're feeling down cuz you didn't make your parents proud, or feeling inferior to some people you know, or didn't get the stream you wanted, don't be too hard on yourself. Just move forward and make things work for you. The future's wide open for changes. There's always a route for you to take towards what you aim for. If you're parents are really upset at you, remember that they still love you. You can make up by doing better for the future. Well, I don't know your family situation, but we can only move forward. So just try to make things work for you. All in all, if you failed this time, grit your teeth and keep fighting.
For Christmas, I celebrated it with a RM 600+ full course luncheon at Victoria Station:
Starters (my fave course):
Down: Lobster Bisque. I'm sure you've seen this in Cafe World (facebook) but how many of you have actually tried it? For those who didn't, it's thick and creamy with hints of tomato. There are also chunks of lobster in there (crunchy as fresh prawns). It was pretty good, didn't taste the way I hoped though. There was also a small bun (bread, duh) with butter before the starter came.
Main Course:
Up: sliced turkey in gravy, sausage wrapped in fried tofu skin-like substance, cranberry sauce, bread crumb+veggies+unknown stuffing (beside the cranberry sauce), guess the rest. It wasn't all that great. I kept comparing it to IKEA food and my Mom's friend's cooking.
Down: Lobster. Cooked in two different styles. One side mushroom and cheese; the other onion. I prefer the onion side, could be the fragrance. No onions were seen however. My family finished most of the lobster so I didn't get to fully enjoy it. Oh, and not forgetting:
Down: Lobster. Cooked in two different styles. One side mushroom and cheese; the other onion. I prefer the onion side, could be the fragrance. No onions were seen however. My family finished most of the lobster so I didn't get to fully enjoy it. Oh, and not forgetting:
No, not wine. Just high-class, nonalcoholic, grape juice. It was nice though. Tasted nothing like Ribenna.
Deserts:
Fruitcake, sweet mince pie and the choice of coffee or tea. Man, it was SWEET (coffee/tea excluded). It's true what they say, English deserts are SWEET. Perhaps worse than your bday muffins/cupcakes, April. I was too sickly full, so I didn't remember to snap them. My cell phone camera sucks anyway...
I also got this as a free gift:
Chips More always said "more chips" but they can never beat this.
I still haven't watched Avatar. Will watch it soon. In 3D cinemas. Anyone like to tag along?
Now for a serious question:
Now for a serious question:
Should I still go for guitar lessons next year? The two teachers there (who coincidentally looked like Lau and Grell Sutcliffe (butler version) from Kuroshitsuji. One of them really is named "Lau" too) told me 16's the max age to start guitar. Well, it's the age when my brain's still young and open anyway and before I go to college. After highschool, I'll really have no time. However, Form 4's schedule freaks me out, studying will be the priority. But I feel incomplete if I don't get proper training. I'm not sure how long I can remain passionate about it either. Do I have the talent? Don't think so, my fingers seem more suited for piano or flute; something that doesn't need so much curling and plucking. Huge chunks of money will be flying off the pocket too, with tuition and my granma's meds and who knows what else. You know, money should be spent wisely nowadays. So will these lessons be worth it all? Besides that, the guitar teachers are men. You know I can't relax around men, so how to concentrate on playing?? Leave your answer in the Cbox, please...
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
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