I see your blood

Feeling especially murderous today.
I see blood...blood of people I dislike. I can taste it's smooth, saltiness on the tip of my tongue. And it's beautiful crimson fabric draping my fingers. It's one of my favorite colors too. I can feel the hilt of the knife in my palm, stabbing it into their body, and enjoying their blood spurt out into the air or splatter on the walls. Or the handle of the gun and releasing the bullet into their skull. I really like the way their red liquid splash out, like a coconut. My hands will be a bit dirty, but which child wouldn't like playing with "mud" sometimes?

I wonder why was I born so murderous. I've been killing multiple small animals since I was...four or five. Ach, it's so long ago I can't remember when. Gory images started haunting me while I was studying, that's why I decided to blog instead.
We were baking today. And we used the blending machine to blend the ingredients. Flour, sugar, brown sugar, LOTS OF BUTTER, choc chips and etc. However, it still reminded me when I was younger and used to watch my granny blend fish meat to make fish balls. I always thought that pink fish paste looked like flesh. Human flesh. The word flesh always reminds me of human flesh. And I constantly imagine someone's finger getting accidentally stuck in there and got blended as well. All the chunks flying about and the fluid blood flowing through the paste like little rivers. Much like strawberry syrup on ice cream. Since April and Jeanne used the machine the most, the images of their blended fingers flitted through my mind. Oh, I'm sorry, but I cannot control what appears in my mind.

Is this the reason why I find Final Destination more fascinating than scary?